Why Is It So Hard...

To get help? On June 12th I had a stroke, found out I have high blood pressure, diabetes, my back is falling apart and yet no one will help me. I am suppose to be taking Plavix to prevent another stroke but I have no income (since I am not able to work) and it costs like $171.00 for a month supply. I applied for medicaid they say I don't qualify for medicaid. Now mind you if I was addicted to crack and was toting ten kids they would lay out the red carpet. It makes me sick and it pisses me off that they make it so hard to get help. Why is it that people that are totally lazy and refuse to do a thing for themselves the government falls all over themselves to help them, pamper them, and not make them work for anything even though the majority of them are healthy enough to work.

I had such high hopes when President Obama took office but now I feel with him as I did with all the others before him. I am not holding my breath on any changes to healthcare. Seriously he is talking about healthcare insurance that you buy through the government. Well that is fine for those that have an income Mr. President but what about those of us that don't, that aren't addicted to crack, that don't have ten kids, and are no longer able to work? Do we get shoved into the cracks once again?

Having A Stroke Sucks...

On June 11th I had a moderate stroke to the back of my brain. This part of the brain is what controls balance as I found out. I was sitting on the patio talking to my roommates when my world literally in my head started to tumble and fall. That was vertigo and if you ever experience it go to a doctor asap. Then the vomiting started and lasted between 6 and 8 hours and you talk about hell.

Once they had me stable they took an MRI and found a blood clot in the back of my brain. After further testing it was also discovered that I have diabetes and high blood pressure. In just a couple of weeks my life has changed so much. I now take 5 different medications, and stick my fingers 3 times a day for blood sugar, I eat according to a schedule, and my diet has changed drastically. It however could be worse...I could be dead.

A Tribute to Molly...

Who is Molly you might ask...she was the dog that lived next door. She just died tonight and all alone. This dog spent 99.9 % of her time alone. Food at least every other day and water. The ocassional pat on the head and that was all Molly was allowed from her humans for affection. The only companion she had was taken from hert a year ago. 

The worst part is she was a great dog. She hardly ever barked, she loved children, and anyone she met really. All she ever wanted was to be loved in return, and she did not get. Her humans should feel the deepest shame for ignoring her like she was a tree in the back yard and for making her die alone. 

Rest in Peace dearest Molly...I will miss you. 

Easter...

This is of all holidays my favorite. I love it because it is spring and everything is budding with new life and promise. I love it because it celebrates the day Jesus rose from the dead. 

I don't get into the whole Easter bunny thing but I see nothing wrong with children having Easter baskets or Easter egg hunts. Some yell and say it is pagan. Well maybe centuries ago it was but people (most anyway) have no clue what a pagan is let alone their religion. Now it is about having fun seeing children smile and laugh.

Of course they should be taught the real reason for the holiday especially if you are Christian. But do let your children have fun on this day. It was not meant to be a gloomy holiday no matter how you look at it. It is a time of rebirth which should make anyone happy. It is celebrating Jesus rising from the dead and that should also be a time to celebrate and be happy. So all of you out that that whine and complin stop it and have some good clean fun. 

Another Class Done...

Now I can breath for nine days before starting my next class. I finished with an A and  that made me happy. 

What did I learn? Well the class was Computer Literacy and so I learned that I really and truly hate Microsoft Excel. I am sorry Microsoft but I do and I will always hate it and spread sheets too while I am at it. I don't get it and to be honest I don't want to get it. 

I also learned that I am better with a computer than I thought I was. I found out that I am better at graphic design than I thought I was. I was amazed to learn that others thought I was a great photographer. I was always being asked by other students if I did photography for a living. However it is a hobby, always has been a hobby and most likely will remain a hobby. I enjoy it way too much to ever want it to be like a job. I like taking pictures of what I want when I want. 

My next class is Transitional English and so it should be enjoyable. I have always like English and studying the written word and I do love to write whenever I can. I really thought that going back to school at my age was going to be super difficult. Although it hasn't been super easy I found that I still have plenty of love for learning new things and being challenged. So far it has been a very positive experience and hopefully it will remain so. 

Is it Just Me....

Has anyone ever said something very negative to you that just won't leave your mind. No matter how much others say it isn't true? 

I have this friend and she has a very bad habit of saying things without giving much thought to it. Then she apologizes like crazy when it comes back to bite her. I have told her many many times that no matter how much you say i am sorry it doesn't erase what was said or done. 

I lived with her and her husband twice. The second time was right after losing a job and I had no where else to go. She was the one at first that insisted that I move in. Then later calls me too say no i can't move in because she doesn't want me too. This caused me to explode because I was already under a ton of pressure. I did end up moving in with them and let me tell you it was a nightmare. I knew I was not wanted there so as soon as I found another job I moved out. 

This made her mad at me and I was like wait you didn't want me there to start with and now you are mad because I left. I now live with my best friend his wife and their son. I am never made to feel bad here I help and I am helped because that is what friends do. I lost my job again and they have never not once made me feel bad.  While my other friend writes on Myspace that I take unfair advantage of those closest too me. 

No I never took advantage of them. I helped around the house and I stay out of their way as much as possible. I gave them what money I could. It is just that I tend to treat people as they treat me. The people I live with now treat me like family. I spoil them both as much as I can and that is because they don't take things out on me, and they don't make me feel like I am a burden to them.  So in other words I give what I get. 

It Seems Like Forever....

Since I posted here. School takes up a great deal of my time now. Plus I am still sick and that is very tiring. 

School is going great. I have my first 6 assignments in and 3 of them have been graded all with 100%. This makes me happy. 

It has been 15 years since I took classes of any kind so knowing I can still do well boosts my self-esteem a lot. 

So I will make it a point to post more often even if they are shorter posts than normal. 

Senses....

Ah this prompt strikes me in a hard way. I have severe vision problems I see double everything without my glasses. Even with my glasses things like the moon are still doubled.  I have a cataract in one eye and lense problems in both eyes. The fact is I am slowly going blind. 

My eye doctor says that I may not go fully blind as long as I keep up on my eye exams, don't develop diabetes, or high blood peassure. Lovely to know since I have both in my family. 

I really think I could lose any of my senses but sight and hearing. I love reading and being on the internet and I cannot imagine life without either. I also love music and don't even want to imagine life without it.

Waiting...

I am waiting to start my classes at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh. I am excited and terrified all at the same time. This however is a dream come true for me as I honestly thought I would never be able to attend college again let alone a university. 

I will soon start my journey towards a bachelors degree in interactive media and graphic design. I have dabbled with web design in the past and I really enjoyed it a lot. It is a good way for me to have a career that I control. 

Drive...

I am a little behind again in the prompts from the One-Minute Writer but this is a good one. 

My most memorable drive took place a little over 2 years ago. It was the day I left my husband of nearly 20 years. It was a bad marriage and had been for many years. I stayed because I had no where else to go but that changed in Aug of 2006. I came to visit my friends in San Antonio Texas. They knew my home life was horrible and immediately started working on me to leave and move in with them. I admitted I was scared I had always lived in Illinois except for a few months me and my mom lived in Minnesota. So I told them I had to go back but I would think about it. 

When I went home things went from bad to worse. So I secretly saved my money and when I had enough I told him I was leaving. I packed what I could fit in my van, with map in hand I left.  It was around 1000 miles from where I lived to San Antonio. It took me two days of driving to get here driving around 500 miles a day. I got lost three times on my way here and I must say it was quite the adventure. 

That drive will always stick out in my mind for several reasons. On the top of the list because I have never driven or been so far from home. Two I have never traveled alone to any place that wasn't considered local. Three it showed me my inner strength and that I can do things that are hard and scary and no I don't always have to rely on others. 

I saw many sights on the way here that I will probably never see again but will always live in my memories. When I am able to go home for a visit I will fly as I am never making that drive again at least not alone.