A Step Forward....

Yesterday my cell phone rang and I looked at the number and almost didn't answer it. I didn't rcognize the number and firgured it was a telemarketer. However for some random reason I flipped my phone open and said hello. 

The lady on the other end asked for me and I said you got her. She then identified herself and said she was calling on behalf of the Art Institute of Pittsburg that they had gotten my name from a place that I had signed up looking for work. My initial thoughts went along the lines of I don't have time for this, I need work more than education, big one was I cannot afford this, etc. 

She was nice though and listened to me concerns and fears. She eased them and we talked for over 3 hours on the phone. We got most of the  work done and I will hopefully be starting my fist classes towards a bachelors degree on Jan 12. 

It is still a little scary for many reasons but I think I can do this. I want this very much and i chose a field that I know i would enjoy. Since my rear is in front of this computer more than anywhere else and I love graphics and I love games it wasn't hard to choose. So I went with interactive media and graphic design. 

I mean seriously the internet is not going anywhere. It is global at it's finest and so there will always be a demand for graphic design and interactive media.  So I figure if i am gonna be sitting her anyway i might as well make money doing it. 

So if you read this blog wish me luck as I am gonna need it. 

Learning A New Language...

A friend of mine convinced me I needed to learn his language. He speaks Dutch and I wondered how hard could this be? So I looked around and found some free software to help me out. 

I have come to realize that the sound they make in their throat is harder than it seems. I sound like a cat with a hair ball stuck in it's throat. Mind you I have only been at this for a day but the results are pretty funny. I will actually be amazed if I can master this. 

I also want to learn Spanish because I live in a largely Hispanic area and that would help me find better work if I could speak it.  

Still it will be interesting for me to see how fast I can learn this and if I can master that sound. 

Dreams....

My dreams lately have been so weird. Well I never had so called normal dreams but these are just weirder than normal for me. 

They have been a mixture of my life here, my life in Illinois and my life as a child and young adult. I usually wake up confused and out of sorts. I don't know what my mind is trying to tell me at all. They say that at least in part your dreams are influenced by your day to day life. Some say it is your subconcious trying to tell you something. If the latter is true I really wish it would make things a little clearer because I haven't a clue. 

It has always unsettled me to dream about people I know. I am not sure why that is but it is the way I have felt ever since i can remember. In my dreams i am usually searching for something though I don't know what. In all the years that I have had where I actually paid attention to my dreams I have never found it that I know of because every dream I am still searching. 

Slump....

I think I have realized why i am so tired lately. I am in a slump dumb as that sounds. I have been out of work for four months and it is wearing on me. The bad thing is that things on the job market are not getting any better. 

Then my van broke down and for me it is beyond repair because i simply cannot afford it. So what do I do with this two ton hunk of now junk? I have no clue at all as scrap prices are down as well. My friend S says I need to find another car and I tell her I can't afford it. She is like yes but you need one. *Sigh* I tell her i know this but I can't buy what I don't have he money for. 

My emergency unemployment will run out in Jan and then what? There just aren't any jobs. Until the van died I could have went back to Illinois (even though that is the last thing I want too do). I don't know but it just seems that no matter how hard i try it is never enough. 

Someone told me once that the only way you fail is if you never try. Well I don't know if that is true because I feel like a failure. I have lived here for two years and I am still not able to take care of myself. I am sure my friends have had to ask themselves many times times why they asked me to come here in the first place. 

They tell me I am no burden, but I feel that I am. I do my best to help out but I feel like I never do enough. However I still laugh and smile. I joke around and try not to let them see the fear and doubt I have. 

Hello...

This blog will be full of my ramblings about my life. It might be interesting to some and maybe not so interesting who really knows. 

I am 46 years old I live outside of San Antonio Texas. I am not a native Texan but I do love it here. My home state is Illinois and is where most of my family resides still. I moved here for many reasons and I have yet to regret that move. My life in Illinois was at a stand still, I was surrounded by people and yet was really all alone. 

My children were pretty angry at my move and even after two years my son refuses to talk to me. However he is a grown man and it is his choice. He lives his life as he sees fit without allowing others to tell him what to do and at 46 I think I can do the same. My daughter has come to terms, not that she likes me being gone but she knows at least that it is my life.

I left my husband of nearly 20 years packed my bags and left. It had not been a healthy or good relationship for many years. Everyone said my leaving was so sudden and that I never gave any indication anything was wrong. Now I know better because there was little doubt that I was unhappy and had been for a long time. However they just never paid attention. 

I do sometimes miss home, the smells and the river. I miss cold days sitting looking out the window at snow covered fields while sipping hot cocoa. I miss the festivals they have there and walking along the river finding bits of driftwood, or smooth stones. I do miss the sound of thousands of chimes when the river thaws and breaks the ice up into small pieces making a tinkling sound as small waves move them back and forth. I miss seeing the bald eagles soaring high above the lock and dam; then diving fast and low to capture a fish.

I don't miss the humidity especially in the summer; but i do miss the thunderstorms from there. They were more sudden, more dramatic. I also really miss knowing what way North is lol. I am so lost here most of the time. 

However Texas does has it's charms. I have met a lot of really nice people here and there is one thing I never liked in Illinois the people there are so rude.  It is as if up there they were never taught manners. Now don't get me wrong i have met rude people here too but not as many as in Illinois.