Slump....

I think I have realized why i am so tired lately. I am in a slump dumb as that sounds. I have been out of work for four months and it is wearing on me. The bad thing is that things on the job market are not getting any better. 

Then my van broke down and for me it is beyond repair because i simply cannot afford it. So what do I do with this two ton hunk of now junk? I have no clue at all as scrap prices are down as well. My friend S says I need to find another car and I tell her I can't afford it. She is like yes but you need one. *Sigh* I tell her i know this but I can't buy what I don't have he money for. 

My emergency unemployment will run out in Jan and then what? There just aren't any jobs. Until the van died I could have went back to Illinois (even though that is the last thing I want too do). I don't know but it just seems that no matter how hard i try it is never enough. 

Someone told me once that the only way you fail is if you never try. Well I don't know if that is true because I feel like a failure. I have lived here for two years and I am still not able to take care of myself. I am sure my friends have had to ask themselves many times times why they asked me to come here in the first place. 

They tell me I am no burden, but I feel that I am. I do my best to help out but I feel like I never do enough. However I still laugh and smile. I joke around and try not to let them see the fear and doubt I have.